Starting to Lose a Little Motivation

When I wrote my first Progress Update I decided to put it off for a week because I was ill and very much down in the dumps. By doing so, I thought I would create a more optimistic post that didn’t just focus on everything that hadn’t gone according to plan and, thankfully, it seemed to pay off as I think it to be my best blog post yet. Today I am not quite so cheery so the outcome of this could be jeopardised. Though, please bear with me and my writing for I am fed up with attempting to revise and need to do something I actually enjoy.

Besides all that, hello again, just a little update for those people who are curious about how I am getting on changing my life for the better. To be honest it’s very ‘hit or miss’ at the moment. I am round to say that I’m flourishing in certain aspects, others not so much and I end up hating myself for it. Though I wasn’t expecting all my negativity to disappear within the first two months so I have these blog posts, to try and control it and my self-deprecating sense of humour.

To start off on a good note, I have submitted all my coursework for my classes and are therefore only one measly exam away from finishing my first year at the University of Edinburgh. What will probably shock some, in the same way it shocked me, is that I submitted it all early. It wasn’t much earlier but at least a day before the deadline so I wasn’t panicking at the very end to get it submitted. To celebrate, a couple of us went back to Maison de Moggy for a little stress relief and I got to see my darling Sebastian again.

As my final coursework deadline was three weeks before my exam, it gave me plenty of time to start revising. Naturally, I couldn’t find the energy to do so until only a few days ago but my goodness it is the worst possible module. I’m going to do a blog post about the classes I took during my first year of university so I will go into more depth about it then but the class is called ‘Music 1B: Instruments, Culture and Technology’ and consists of many random, unrelated topics. How am I supposed to revise “Is autotune an instrument?” So whilst I may be happy about finishing my assignments, on the opposite end of the spectrum I am frustrated about my exam which leaves me in this really annoying and awkward middle ground.

I am still exercising though, who would have thought it? Granted I didn’t do it for a week or two because I had gone home for a bit and didn’t want to take my trainers and stuff with me. Instead, when I got home I found a plan on Pinterest to follow on and I started it on Monday. I repeat the programme three a week with it becoming more challenging as the weeks progress. I did more exercise last month than I did during the entirety of last year, something for my personal record book.

Last month there was even a period of time when I was eating healthily too by cutting out snacking and reducing the chocolate and crisps I bought. I was a changed woman but then my period started and I went back to old habits. I’m a little disappointed in myself for keeping up with my bad diet, especially since I was doing so well but I think being on my period justifies it a little bit. I haven’t been drinking enough water either so I’m not doing particularly well on the healthy diet front.

Going out with my friends more will not be helping me as I try to eat healthily. I go out with them a lot, often for food where I stuff my face. Sarah, who I’m moving in with next year, makes the best triple chocolate cookies and I had four when I was round at her flat this week. Being sociable has not been top of my priority list over the past month because of assignments and my exam. I stay in my room to try and revise but I’m only successful around half the time.

I’ve recently been finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything whether it’s to go food shopping because I’m out of milk or to clean my bathroom. Studying has fallen victim to this as well but I’ve already ranted about how stupid the course is and I won’t do it again. Since I have no energy I just lie on my bed in the same position for hours, on my phone which doesn’t help the fact that I’ve been trying to cut back on that too. Scrolling just seems so much easier than doing anything else, even reading.

I’ve read a couple more chapters of ‘Constance: The Tragic and Scandalous Life of Mrs Oscar Wilde ‘ since my last update but I’ve yet to pass the 100-page mark. I really hope I do soon because that’s usually the point when I get really invested in my book. Those first hundred pages is what it usually takes for me to adapt to a book and its language and allows me to get into the swing of things.

Yes, I am spending more time on my phone but it does mean my Instagram looks a lot nicer. Over the past few weeks, I’ve taken so many photos and mainly with my camera and I’m having lots of fun editing them to look better. I’m using my lst few weeks in Edinburgh to explore places I haven’t been to yet and using them to get back into photography. I did end my subscription with Adobe Creative Cloud because I wasn’t using Lightroom enough but now that I’m putting a lot more effort into my photos, I regret it a little bit. I use Lightroom on my phone at the moment which works really well for me but I have a feeling that when I go to Paris, I’ll want it a little more. Cheeky wee plug but you can follow my Instagram over at @beccamarriner.

Personally, I think I’ve gotten back into the swing of blogging. I’m really putting effort into every post I put up by editing all my photos, writing more interesting content and hopefully in a way that is easier to understand rather than me just rambling. I would love it if people would engage a little more and leave comments to try and give me an idea of what they like about my blog or what they don’t so I can change a few things and continue to grow and improve. If there’s anything you’d like to see me write about please comment or mesaage me over social media, all my links are below, I’d love to hear any criticisms. Either way, thank you so much for reading, I’ll speak to you again next week in another blog post!

Becca x

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