It’s Been a Blur

This past year (and a bit), since I last posted on my blog, has been such a rollercoaster that I didn’t know which way was up half of the time. Between studying (and subsequently graduating), working and moving flats I’ve barely had time to collect myself and my thoughts until now. For me, life has slowed down a bit again and I’m more settled into ‘living’ rather than just getting through each day. I’ve renewed my blog domain for another year so ignoring the shame I feel from not posting in so long, I’m back.

It was never my original intention to take a break from blogging but when I realised that my fourth year of university was going to be entirely online, I felt like it needed to happen. I spent hours at my laptop every day reading essays and writing my own, hardly moving from the one spot at my desk. So whilst writing blog posts is a hobby and a love of mine, I needed something different to switch out of a ‘working’ mode and into a ‘relaxing’ one. That’s my way of saying I rewatched the entirety of Friends again. I thought that I would return to blogging within a year, September 2021 at the latest, but post-uni life wasn’t quite the relief I had fantasised it to be.

2021 was always going to be a milestone year for me. I would kick it off with my 21st birthday in February, write and submit a 12,000-word dissertation and graduate by walking across the stage at McEwen Hall. So whilst I had never given much thought to a solid plan after graduation, I figured that if everything else fell into place, why wouldn’t that too? But my 21st was in lockdown and therefore was celebrated with a snowy walk and a takeaway. Lovely nonetheless, but not quite the momentous occasion that was built up in my head. Again, I wrote and submitted my dissertation about soundscapes at the Edinburgh festivals, but with all my interviews being conducted over zoom and email, it felt like just another essay rather than an immersive, year-long passion project. It also sucks writing about sound at festivals when you can’t actually experience them. But despite the blur of reading, writing essays and repeating, I did it and “graduated!” So even though I’ve never worn a graduation gown and there is still a sense of unfinished that has lingered over me since my final submission, I’m trying not to feel disheartened when it is a really amazing achievement. I have a Bachelor’s Degree!

University felt a bit like a transitional period from teenager to adult and now I feel like I have nothing to hide behind now even though I still don’t want to be an adult. I was having so many existential crises over where I should be living and working whilst actively trying to avoid making a decision about any long-term plans. I contemplated moving to Glasgow, switching jobs, taking online courses and started looking at masters programmes because without the student lifestyle, I lost my way quite a bit. However, it’s evident from talking to me or reading my dissertation, that Edinburgh is a huge part of my identity and giving it up by moving away wasn’t going to be the cure that I thought it would be. Instead, I moved to a different part of the city, the West End, switched to a full-time role at my job and started taking myself out on dates again.

My new flat, what a dream! Imagine hardwood floors and a fireplace in my room, plus a super-king sized bed! I’m pretty small as a person so the bed is a tad unnecessary but I am totally loving it so it’s hard not to spend all my time there… The West End has always been one of my favourite areas to visit, and it’s almost like a dream that I live here now with St. Mary’s Cathedral on my doorstep. I hear bell practice every Thursday evening! As I only ever visited this area of the city every few months when I was a student, it feels unfamiliar enough to count as a new start. Along with new flatmates, I have a new lease of freedom and places to explore so I hope I can get back into that optimistic, pre-pandemic mindset.

2022, as a number? Yuck.

As a year? Bring it on.

As usual, in January I’ve made big plans for the year, set myself some (hopefully) attainable resolutions and feel ready to get started. I really enjoy my time off over the festive period because I’m always so burnt out in the lead up to Christmas. Eventually, I start to get restless which motivates me to tackle new challenges and new goals that I set for myself. It’s known that January is the Monday of the year but I love Mondays so yay for me?!. I’ve got a better feeling about this year so I’m ready to get started.

So what will I write about next? Thoughts on university? Coffee and cake in Edinburgh? Memories of interrailing? There’s also a website revamp in the midst of planning as I write this! I don’t dislike its current appearance but it hasn’t changed in the four years since I started blogging and I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m not necessarily the same person that I was when I was 18 and I want my content and image to reflect that. Lots of new posts coming your way soon so until next time, thanks for having me back and sticking around this far.

Becca x

Photo creds: Abbie Strachan
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